it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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