She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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