I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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