i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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