How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
someone owes me an orgasm
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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