Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
