She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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