My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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