your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
