I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize