so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
