seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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