I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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