forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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