phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
