I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
