After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He felt like a one man threesome
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
