TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
