Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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