you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
