I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
