Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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