The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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