The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
