So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
