ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
After last night, I could never be a politician.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
