That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
