i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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