meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You made out with two different species that night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
