i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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