I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
