TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize