I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
