Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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