the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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