Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
