my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
