Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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