Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
