He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
