It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
