i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
