Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
