I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
