Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
