The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
