Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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