I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
