I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
