It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
