Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize