drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
