I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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