okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
