I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
