dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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