Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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