we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
