So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
