And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I want to be your penis for a week.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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