Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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