Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
