Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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