If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
