you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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