you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
