we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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