today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
