I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The uberlube is also flammable
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
