shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
