I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
