can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
