shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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