Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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