Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
