Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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