He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
