The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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