Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
