it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
