Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
