We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
