I can text with my tongue
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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