I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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