i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
