Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
