Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
