Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is Oprah even human
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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