remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so let's talk penis.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
